i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
