Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
