We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
