Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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