My nipple is on Facebook.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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