dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
