he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
