WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
