i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
