Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
