Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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