Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
