i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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