Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
is it fun? or sober?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize