She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
