So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
