she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
