Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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