this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
