They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
