I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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