you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
