I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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