Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
