how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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