hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
