He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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