I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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