The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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