You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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