Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
