I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
