conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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