I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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