Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
