I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
