i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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