Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
