My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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