I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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