I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
