Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's get the cat blown out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
