They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
