I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
