conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
