ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Can I color on your dick again?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
