So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
...so i touched it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
