Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
