ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
