i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
