Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
