He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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