I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
