I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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