Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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