I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
