laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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