I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I could fuck to npr.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
