My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
