You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
