Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
