Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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