Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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