so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
