if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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