What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
