The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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