I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
