i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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