thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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