Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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