yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
