I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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