He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
