just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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