Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
