Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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