1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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