If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
