i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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