I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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