According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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