The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
